Commissary

This blog is meant to only be shared with family. I don't keep secrets. I am having the absolute hardest time right now keeping the present I bought yesterday for Tara's birthday secret. Anyway...there is sensitive material written in this blog. I still haven't heard from Kevin since I wrote about him and Jeremey!

When Tara was in the Iron County Jail, she would call often.

I was working hard. Primerica Financial Services is a good company with good products (not the absolute best, but good). I just really hate the commission payment system. If you ever work commission, make sure there is base pay. I worked hard for over a year and made about 8,000.00. That is a very rounded number. My taxes show I lost money because of write-offs. (5K of my earnings came as a bonus because I won a trip and took the cash option.) Anyway...Primerica served the purpose of having a job and working hard and still having freedom to be Dad. It was 100% right for my situation at that time in my life. My point is...I had very little money.

I was living off the State of Utah. They paid for my groceries, daycare and health-care. I had just finished my house in Cedar City. Saturday night Tara and I were going to sign the loan papers and officially move in...only...Saturday afternoon she was picked up by the police at the pharmacy.

I paid my tithing. I worked hard. I lived day to day, not ever thinking far into the future. It was as if my brain was glossed over as to my situation and the future. I could not think about it. I was not allowed to. But when I focused on the kids and the present everything was clear. I didn't hide the facts of where Mom was...they got to ride in the police car and tell Mom goodbye in the holding room at the station. They knew. But I could focus on them and fun and life and helping them understand that they are loved and everything will work out.

So, Tara would call...collect. Putting $50 on my cell phone account so that I could access her collect calls would last about--I need to look this up for accuracy but my guess is--3-5 calls. The connection fee was outrageous and then the charge per minute was criminal. That is the problem I had with her calling me. I of course longed to speak with her. She needed my support. She was so bored in jail. It took her a while to de-tox and earn her phone calls. But I could not afford it. So, when I didn't have the money, I couldn't access her calls. She would talk to me and the kids when we visited or when her parents were visiting us. They were a huge support to me and Tara and the kids.

Tara would call and ask for money to be put on her books. She explained that the jail soap made her skin itch. She didn't have shampoo. She had to use jail toothpaste and their cheap toothbrushes. All she had was a jail comb. The food was horrible! Bologna with bread every day. She wanted a little cash to buy a treat on commissary, and some hygiene products.

Call it love, faith, mercy, or stupidity but I took my last 20 dollars and put it on her books. The next time I was able to talk to her she thanked me. She said she was grateful for the 10 dollars she had received. "What?"

It turns out that until your Iron County Jail fines and fees, including $10 a day housing charge are paid in full, the inmates only receive 50%. I didn't have money for fees. I didn't have money for deodorant. She would have to sleep in the bed that she made. I put no more money on her books. I didn't have money for collect calls. Tara was cut off, except for the Sunday morning visits.

The inmates here at the Utah State Prison are filling out their commissary orders tonight. Most of them, especially the Death Row Inmates, get huge bags filled with goodies and products. When I pass out supplies I see first hand what the indigent inmates receive vs. those with money on their books to purchase commissary. I can't help but think about Tara in jail, having to pass on the commissary list because her husband won't put money on her books. She told me recently that she would give a 10 minute back rub to another inmate in trade for an atomic fireball candy. That makes me cringe. I don't much enjoy passing out supplies and commissary.

I do, however, have a great weakness for Pan Ferrara Atomic Fire Balls.